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If there were an award for laziness,

I’d probably send someone to pick it up for me.”

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest

i am on sea food diet I see food and I eat it

I am not arguing, I’m just explaining why I am right

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure

I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning

I am not lazy, I a m just very relaxed.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day

“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

I am not clumsy, I am just on a first-name basis with the floor

“I am on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” now

I am reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

“I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kats.

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.

I am great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort

I wonder how many calories I burn just by thinking about going to the gym

I am not procrastinating. I am doing side quests

Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a troll

My phone is 98% of my life. The other 2% is wondering where my phone is

I am not short, I am just more down to earth than other people.

I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks.

“If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

Running late is my cardio.”32. “If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’ll do it for you.

if you can’t laugh at yourself I’ll Do it for you

I’ve never met a problem that can’t be solved by a good nap

My brain has too many tabs open

My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day

I could be a morning person if morning happened around noon

I am not late; I just enjoy showing up at unexpected moment

I only need three things in life: WiFi, food, and my bed

I am not weird, I am limited edition.

“Sometimes I shock myself with the smart things I say and do. Other times I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt on

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries

My diet plan: make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look

don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee.

I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.

If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.

I am on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days

followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge

Of course I talk to my self some times I need expert advice